Writing your own obituary gives you a chance to shape how your life is described and to make things easier for loved ones later.
A thoughtful draft can be simple, personal, and flexible, whether you plan to save it privately or share it with family.
What an obituary does
An obituary is a brief account of a person’s life and death, often shared by a family, funeral home, newspaper, or community organization.
It may announce a death, provide service information, and remember the person’s relationships, interests, work, and values.
Writing your own in advance does not mean you need to predict exactly what the final notice will say.
Treat it as a starting point that you or your family can revise when the time comes.
You can also leave notes about facts to verify, people to contact, and details you would prefer to include or omit.
Gather the details before you begin
Collect the information you want readers to know.
Accuracy matters, especially for dates, names, locations, and family relationships.
Consider making a separate fact sheet so an editor or relative can check details without changing the voice of the piece.
- Basic information: Your full name, preferred name, place of birth, and important dates, if you want them included.
- Family and relationships: People who shaped your life and those you want acknowledged.
Confirm spellings and relationships with them. - Life milestones: Education, work, service, creative projects, moves, or other experiences that mattered to you.
- Personal details: Hobbies, traditions, favorite places, causes, skills, or small habits that help convey what you were like.
- Service or gathering information: Leave placeholders if arrangements are not known.
A family member can add confirmed details later.
You do not have to include every job, award, or date.
Choose details that help explain what mattered to you and how you spent your time.
Choose a tone and length
Decide how you want the obituary to sound.
Some people prefer a straightforward, formal account; others want a warm, conversational voice or gentle humor.
Read a few obituaries from publications or community sites to see how different styles work, while keeping your own draft distinct.
Length depends on where the obituary will appear and what the family wants to share.
A newspaper may have its own space limits, submission requirements, and rates, so check directly with the publication.
Online memorials may allow more room, but a concise draft is still easier to review and update.
Use a simple structure
A clear structure helps readers follow the story without making the piece feel like a résumé.
You can arrange the sections in a different order if another sequence better reflects your life.
- Opening: State your name and, when appropriate, a brief announcement of your death.
Leave a bracketed placeholder for information that cannot be completed in advance. - Life story: Describe a few important chapters, such as where you grew up, what work or commitments meant to you, and experiences that shaped your outlook.
- Relationships and interests: Mention the people, communities, activities, or traditions that were central to your life.
- Survivors and people who died before you: Include names only if you wish, and ask family to verify the information before publication.
- Service details or a personal request: Add confirmed arrangements later, or note a preference such as a charitable donation in lieu of flowers.
Verify any organization’s name and instructions.
Write in your own voice
Use language you would recognize as yours.
A direct sentence such as “I loved repairing old radios and teaching my grandchildren how they worked” can reveal more than a string of generic praise.
If you want humor, keep it kind and understandable to people who may not know the backstory.
When writing about others, focus on your relationship and avoid assuming how they feel.
You can name people you want acknowledged, but tell a trusted relative where the draft is stored so they can confirm that names and circumstances are current later.
Fictional example with placeholders
The following sample is fictional.
Replace bracketed text with verified information, and remove any details that do not fit your wishes.
[Full name], known to friends as [preferred name], was born in [place] and built a life centered on [important value, interest, or community].
Over the years, [he/she/they] worked as [role or occupation] and found particular joy in [specific activity or tradition].[Preferred name] cared deeply about [people, place, or cause] and was happiest when [personal detail]. [He/She/They] is survived by [names or relationships, if desired].
A gathering will be held at [location and time, to be confirmed].
The example uses placeholders because an advance draft cannot reliably supply future dates, arrangements, or family circumstances.
Mark any uncertain fact clearly rather than guessing.
Review, store, and share your draft
Read the draft aloud and check that it sounds natural.
Then verify names, dates, spellings, and claims.
Remove private information you would not want published, such as home addresses or details about someone else that they have not agreed to share.
Save the draft somewhere a trusted person can find it, and tell them where it is.
You might keep a printed copy with important personal papers and a digital copy in a clearly labeled folder.
Revisit it when your circumstances or preferences change.
Let family know that it is a draft and that they may need to update it for accuracy and publication requirements.
If you expect to submit the notice to a newspaper, contact its obituary or classified-ad department for current formatting, deadlines, word limits, and rates.
Publications set their own prices and policies.
A funeral home or memorial website may also have specific submission steps, which should be confirmed directly.