Choosing in lieu of flowers wording can feel difficult when you are already preparing a memorial announcement or obituary.
Clear, gentle language helps readers understand the family’s wishes while leaving room for people to express their care in a meaningful way.
What does “in lieu of flowers” mean?
“In lieu of flowers” means “instead of flowers.” In an obituary or service announcement, the phrase usually introduces an alternative way to honor the person, such as making a donation to a named organization or supporting a cause that mattered to them.
Flowers remain a welcome expression of sympathy for many families.
If the family prefers another form of remembrance, say so directly and kindly.
The wording should describe a preference rather than suggest that every reader must give, donate, or take a particular action.
How to choose wording that feels considerate
Before writing, confirm what the family wants to request and whether the alternative is specific.
If donations are welcome, identify the organization accurately and check its preferred name and donation instructions.
If the family has not chosen a recipient, a simple request for cards or quiet remembrance may be more appropriate than naming a cause on their behalf.
- Be clear: State whether flowers are not preferred, are unnecessary, or are still welcome.
- Keep the tone warm: A brief expression of gratitude can make a request feel personal without adding pressure.
- Make alternatives optional: “Those who wish” and “may consider” leave the choice with each reader.
- Check practical details: Confirm the organization’s name, link, mailing address, or fund before publication.
- Match the format: An obituary, funeral program, and social post may need different lengths.
In lieu of flowers wording examples
Use these templates as starting points and adjust them to reflect the family’s wishes.
Replace bracketed text with verified details.
Do not include a donation request unless the family has approved it.
For a charitable donation
- “In lieu of flowers, the family invites those who wish to make a donation to [organization] in [name]’s memory.”
- “Those wishing to honor [name] may consider a gift to [organization].
Flowers are also welcome.” - “The family requests that memorial contributions be made to [organization] at [verified donation instructions].”
When flowers are not preferred
- “The family kindly requests no flowers.
Those who wish to honor [name] may support [cause or organization].” - “Please omit flowers.
The family is grateful for your thoughts and condolences.” - “In place of floral tributes, the family welcomes cards and personal memories shared with [contact or at the service, if applicable].”
When no donation is being requested
- “Flowers are not necessary; your presence and kind thoughts are deeply appreciated.”
- “The family asks that you remember [name] in your own way.
No gifts or donations are expected.” - “In lieu of flowers, please take a moment to remember a happy time you shared with [name].”
For a memorial service announcement
- “Memorial contributions may be made to [organization] in [name]’s memory.
Please include any required designation: [verified fund name].” - “For those who have asked how to remember [name], the family suggests donations to [organization].”
- “The family welcomes flowers at [service or location details].
Donations to [organization] are also appreciated but entirely optional.”
Alternatives to asking for donations
A donation is only one way to honor someone.
If a financial contribution does not suit the family’s wishes, suggest a personal gesture instead—or do not suggest an alternative at all.
The wording can simply thank people for their care.
- Share a memory: Invite guests to write a short remembrance for a memory book, if one will be available.
- Support a community: Mention a volunteer activity or local gathering only if the family has approved it.
- Plant or care for something: Suggest a small act of care without implying that a particular purchase is required.
- Offer a quiet remembrance: A simple request to think of the person or share a kind memory needs no link or payment details.
Where to place the request
In an obituary, the request often appears near the end, after service information and before details about the surviving family.
A funeral program can include a shorter version, while a memorial webpage can provide verified donation instructions or a direct link.
Keep essential details consistent across formats so readers do not encounter conflicting requests.
If an announcement is being submitted to a newspaper, check its submission requirements and available space.
Newspapers set their own publication rates, and charges may depend on the outlet, length, and format.
Confirm current details with the newspaper rather than relying on a general estimate.
Common wording mistakes to avoid
- Vague donation instructions: Name the recipient clearly and verify where contributions should go.
- Unintended pressure: Avoid wording that implies readers must donate or that a gift is a measure of their care.
- Unapproved causes: Do not infer a preferred charity from someone’s interests; ask the family first.
- Conflicting preferences: Make clear whether flowers are welcome alongside donations or should be omitted.
- Overly elaborate phrasing: One or two sentences are usually enough to express the request with care.
A simple formula for writing your own
Combine three elements: the family’s preference, an optional alternative, and a brief expression of thanks.
For example: “The family kindly requests [preference].
Those who wish may [optional action].
Thank you for keeping [name] in your thoughts.” Check every name and instruction before sharing the announcement.